Adoption Bloggers Interview Project: Never mind the distance

The wonderful Heather, from Production, Not Reproduction, has organized and planned the Adoption Bloggers Interview Project of 2011.  There are so many wonderful, insightful interviews between all members of the adoption triad, I encourage everyone to go check out some of these great blogs.  Thank you so much Heather!

I was paired with Jess from Never mind the distance.  She is in the process of completing her licensing and training through her state of Victoria, in Australia!  It was very interesting to learn about the foster process within another country, and to see the various differences.  Jess’ state of Victoria is the only state in all of Australia to even have anything similar to our foster-adopt programs in the United States.  They call their foster adopt process, permanent care.  Jess came to the choice of foster/adopt after two failed IUI’s with a donor. 

It was such a pleasure getting to know Jess and getting to read through her blog.  I wish her all the best, and hope that she is chosen for a child soon after her licensing process is completed.  You can see my answer’s to Jess’ questions at Never mind the distance.

Why is it that Australia will not allow single parents to adopt privately or internationally? 
Great question! Australia unfortunately has a very anti-adoption culture. It’s very difficult for heterosexual, married couples to adopt, let alone getting anyone to focus on for ‘minority’ groups – so same-sex couple also cannot adopt. Obviously there’s also the requirements of the countries themselves – a lot of them don’t allow same-sex couples or single people to adopt anyway. Currently you can only adopt from the Philippines or China’s special focus program if you’re a single, heterosexual woman. Ethiopia used to be open to single, heterosexual women as well, but not anymore.

Not many babies are given up for domestic adoption in Australia and unfortunately we have a very dark history of removing babies from the birth mothers of our indigenous population against their will and this has cast a shadow over contemporary adoption practices. This is commonly referred to as the ‘stolen generation’. Here’s some further info http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stolen_Generations
We do not have an established foster-adopt program in Australia and my state, Victoria, is the only state that offers any type of permanency program for kids who will never return to their birth parents. A pretty sorry state of affairs really!

 
You mentioned taking a year off of work, do you get paid time off from your employer for the adoption of a child?  Are you guaranteed your job back?

I will be entitled to the same parental leave rights as a birth parent from my workplace. Most work places will offer the same rights for adoptive and birth parents. Our work place offers 10 weeks at full pay (I think! We’ve only just released the policy – I work for a new company). Our Federal Government introduced a national paid parental leave scheme – 18 weeks pay at the national minimum wage – which you can take in addition to any entitlements that your workplace offers, but I will not be eligible for that unless I am placed with a child under the age of 12 months, which is unlikely. We have a national mandated right to take 12 months unpaid work and expect to get our same job, or equivalent, back at the end. So I will have SOME paid leave from work and I will have a right to take the full 12 months off. I will need to save some money, but I will also be able to receive other entitlements whilst at home full-time as a single parent. It will be lean though!

 
How will you handle dating as a single mom?  Have you set or thought of guidelines for yourself as to when you will allow people to meet your kid(s)?

I’m not a big dater. I suspect the first few years after a placement I’ll be pretty focused on my child. If I do date or meet someone, I won’t let them meet my kids unless I feel it might actually go somewhere. That said, I’m not going to invest much time or energy unless I think it will! It will also depend on the child and what I think they can handle. It’s one of those areas that i think I’ll need to make up guidelines depending on the situation.

 
What potential challenges would you face if you were to adopt trans-racially?

I have indicated openness to taking on a child of a different ethnicity to my own. I put a lot of thought into that part of my application, in terms of what resources I could call on to help with preserving cultural identity and so on. I suspect one of the main challenges is me worrying about making sure I have the balance right! I have pretty liberal friends, colleagues and so on, so I doubt there’d be much issue at all. I would just work really hard to make sure I had enough role models around, but I’d do that anyway, especially if I was parenting a boy.

 
Having been a single mom to my oldest child, I know how hard it can be to be the “one and only” parent, even when your child has no issues at all.  How do you plan on dealing with a special needs child as a single parent?

I think it will be hard. Really hard. Especially at the start. I have a great support network and I am not afraid of asking for help, but I know there will be dark times where I feel incredibly alone. I know many of my coupled mum friends with healthy children also have these moments though and while they have the extra support, they also have the added pressure of maintaining the relationship with a partner and all of the expectation management that can come with that. I also think it might be marginally easier to go into it knowing that I’m alone from the outset, than going in with a partner and having the relationship break down for whatever reason and really feeling the impact of being single. I know there are feelings and difficulties that I just can’t plan for and won’t know until I am in the middle of it, but I think I have a fairly healthy perspective on how tricky it will be. I was raised by a single mother too, so I have that insight too.

 
“Me time” is very important for any parent, but especially for a single mom (in my experience) how will you get this time?

Fingers crossed I’ll be able to find a good sitter or a local occasional care centre and at least be able to get some exercise in. I’ll most likely be adopting a toddler, so they may even go to a program once a week for a few hours where I can take a breather (or rush around and the 10 million child-free errands I want to run!). 

 
What is your biggest fear in going through this process?

It changes daily! Probably an ongoing fear is being place with a child who has major attachment issues. It requires a different style of parenting than what would come naturally for me and a lot of hard work and I just worry I won’t cut it.

 
What is one thing that you look forward to the most?
I really look forward to doing ordinary mum things – making school lunches, play dates, reading books, having DVD nights, going to the park, cooking, making craft etc. I just look forward to loving someone unconditionally, with my whole heart.