OAR #33

Open Adoption Roundtable #33, What did you learn about open adoption in 2011? The amazing Heather from Production, Not Reproduction, has yet again put out a great writing prompt for the Open Adoption bloggers.

Although I am a frequent reader of many of these great blogs, including Heather’s, I have often been reluctant to write after any of these prompts.  Our adoption is not currently open, so I have often found it hard to figure out where I fit into this group.  Through this network of adoption triad bloggers, I have “met” so many amazing birth parents, adoptive parents, and adult adoptee’s, and I am so glad to call many of these amazing wonderful people my friends.

I have written on here many times about our journey through foster care adoption.  I have reflected a few times on here about whether I should or should not establish contact with Mea’s birth family.  Navigating an open adoption through foster care adoption is not something that I had really known much about.  I did not know anyone personally who had done it.  I have now gotten to know several people who have successfully opened the doors on closed foster care adoptions.  We were told by our social worker that it would be in Mea’s best interest to keep things closed, I have struggled with this over the last four and a half years, how can it be in her best interest to not know anything about her origin, siblings, parents or grandparents?

We still haven’t come to a place where we have decided one way or another to open our adoption, but I know that I have people out there who can be a resource for us, and a support group of other parents who have been successful in opening what had been closed foster care adoptions.  Just learning that there are families out there who have been able to make an open adoption happen, when the social workers have stated they thought it would be better to keep things closed, makes me feel that my gut feelings about opening our adoption up could work.  Now, my husband and I have some resources for when we make these decisions.

I have learned that it all takes hard work, and that is not something that I am afraid of.  All of my various roles as a Momma, have not exactly been the easiest.  I know that it will be hard no matter what we do, but I do feel more prepared for whatever choice we make at this point, because of the connections that I have made with so many wonderful people. In being a parent, you learn as you go, kids do not come with an owners manual.  No matter how you became a parent.  No matter how your child came to be, how old you were when you had that child or had a child placed into your arms.  I can speak for most of these experiences.  They have been some of the best learning experiences in my life.

Honestly, I can’t wait to see what I learn in 2012, what my kids continue to teach me, and what I learn from all of you.