A Lesson In How NOT To Be A Jackass

So dear friends, let’s take a moment today to talk about how not to be a Jackass. 

This is an important lesson. 

Especially for those of you with small children who haven’t reached school age yet.  Hopefully, it’s not a lesson for my friends with children in school, because if you do this, your name is promptly going on my list.  You know, THE LIST.

When it is school concert time, and your children are dressed in their most adorable clothes, and have their hair combed, teased and poofed to its very cutest, you have your camera’s ready, charged or with new batteries (or in my case you are full of suck and the batteries die right before the concert, thank goodness for cell phone cameras.)  You are there to see your little angels sing their sweet little hearts out.  (Or if you are that one little boys momma, you are watching in horror as your son is playing with himself through his pants pockets in the very front row.)

Usually schools do these shows in rounds of grades.  Yesterday was Kindergarten and First Grade.

If your kid is in the first round of the performance, keep your ass in your seat until the entire show is over.  The other parents watched your child’s show, it is only fair for you to be tortured enthralled with the other classes part of the show as well.

I know you want to get up, and go tell sweet little Billy how he completely mortified you great he did at his part of the show.  I know you want to go see if there is a monster attacking his junk congratulate him at how great he did, but it is rude of you to get up right after they leave the stage and not watch the rest of the show.  Rude.  Capital R there. 

When your kid performs there is a full audience.  The entire gym is full, in fact it is standing room only.  Then, when my kid comes out, the gym is half empty or people are still leaving while they start singing.  Rude.  Now, in the event that you do happen to stay for my kid’s performance don’t talk through the entire thing.  I am trying to hear my little angel sing her songs now.  So shut the fuck up.

Please don’t be a Jackass.  Please sit and watch the other fifteen minutes of the program.  It’s not going to kill you.