Favorite Momma

I often tell Mea that she is my “favorite little daughter.”  Mack is my “favorite big daughter.”  I call them all my favorites at various points and times, even the big girls and the grandkids.  (I can get by with calling my grandson my favorite, as he is the only.)  So they can all be my favorite child at any given time without stepping on the toes of another favorite.

Last week while home on vacation, or staycation, I was able to spend lots of time with my little shortie, and it was really nice.  I did miss work, and missed talking to grown ups, but it was a really nice little break that I really needed.

We did lots of fun things together.  We made a cake, we did manicures and pedicures, we watched some movies, played all her board games at least once, and I taught her a few new games as well.  She totally smoked her Dad at Go Fish, after I taught her how to play.

One of these lazy afternoons that we had, I told her she was my favorite, and she then in turn told me that I was her favorite Momma.  Probably, out of habit from Mack, I said something I wished at the time that I could take back.  “Well, I’m your only Momma, silly goose.”

“Momma, you’re not my only Momma, but you are my favorite Momma.”

Just one of those things.  This is something that I have always said to Mack.  Then I got sucker-punched by the response a bit.  I can’t believe that I said it for one thing, I usually try really hard to watch what I say to Mea, make sure that I am using positive adoption language around her.  Honestly, I am glad that I am not Mea’s only Momma.  She wouldn’t be my Mea if she hadn’t had her birth mother, too.  Truthfully, she wouldn’t be my Mea if it hadn’t been for her foster-mother June either.  I know that our adoption worker asked what June’s opinion was of us, and if June would have said we weren’t the right family for Mea, I honestly think that our adoption worker would have kept looking for a different family for her.  Thank God she and June thought we were the right ones.

This was truly the first time that Mea has ever made any kind of reference about her adoption without either my husband or I starting the conversation with her about it.  We talk about adoption pretty regularly, it just is not something that is typically brought up by Mea. 

In many ways, after the initial shock of what I said, and what she said back to me had worn off, I am glad that she said this to me.  I am glad that she feels that she can talk to me about it.  I am glad that we have this honest communication.  I am really glad that she feels so comfortable with me as her Momma that she can talk to me about this.

I know that there are families who don’t talk regularly about adoption to their kids.  I know that it can be a bit uncomfortable to talk about, I know that it can be hard. 

But let’s be honest, it’s not about you, it’s all about your kid. 

It’s about your kid feeling comfortable about their story.  After all, although you are in that story, it is not yours and yours alone.  It is your child’s story. 

Talking about adoption from early on is a good thing.  It makes it easier to talk about everything.  I am in favor of being honest with your children at all times, there are times where they may not need to know the particular details about a particular subject until they are older, but you need to be the judge of what they can handle at what age.  Honesty is the best policy.

I think that this is one of the main reasons that Mack has always felt that she can come to me with all the things she does, and although there are times that I have felt super uncomfortable with some things that we have talked about, it can’t be half as uncomfortable as she was bringing them into conversation so that we can discuss things. 

I hope beyond hoping that Mea will be the same way.