So Lonesome I Could Cry*
Posted: January 14, 2013 Filed under: adoption, crazy train, I am a dork., I hate people., loss, Mea, mom friends, reflections, stuff and more stuff, video 4 Comments »I don’t know what it is with me lately, but I have just been feeling so unbelievably lonely. I mean, I have my husband, my kids, the gaggle of grandkids, but I feel like I don’t really have any friends.
I have all of you, but for the most part you all live in my computer, or at a minimum an hour and a half car ride away from me, or at most about a 24 hour car ride. You all are not close.
Although, much of the time I feel closer to some of you than my actual supposed friends who live in various places in my own city. It’s a little sad.
Not that I don’t appreciate and love all of you, I just wish you were here.
This sounds all kinds of pathetic.
Maybe I should quit being such a sarcastic asshole when I meet other mom’s of kids that are Mea’s age. Maybe then I could make some mom friends. I don’t know if that will happen or not. I am not very good at hiding how I feel about things. If you are an idiot, it usually shows on my face when I am speaking to you just how I feel.
I have tried to integrate myself into my sister’s group of friends, but it is also kind of weird, and I don’t feel very welcome by her group of friends. My sister has been a bit weird lately, and I don’t really want to go into that right now. She has a bit of a “I’m better than everyone” vibe going on right now, I don’t get it, but I also don’t like being around it either.
My own best friend, has distanced herself from me. I know why, but it doesn’t make it hurt or sting any less. She and her husband dealt with infertility, and after a tubal pregnancy, decided they were done. This happened when Mea was little. I think it’s been hard for her to see us with Mea when they have decided to be childless. We talked to them about adoption, but I don’t think her husband is a fan. He’s pretty happy with it just being the two of them. They have developed friendships with older couples whose kids are either grown, or who are also childless. I get it. I understand it. I just miss her. I have reached out and told her this, but it didn’t make things any better.
It is just sad.
It makes me sad.
*Originally by Hank Williams, but I prefer the Cowboy Junkies version better.
Ok, first: I like the Cowboy Junkies. Second, that just proves you shouldn’t just live in my computer, but in my life. Sometimes it amazes me that which we have in common. Just yesterday I was schooling myself to keep my expression bland while some mom was at gymnastics going on and on… and on… about how awesome she is and how amazing her husband and children are and how incredible their lives are. I wish we lived closer. I’d love to hang out.
Me too. More than you know.
I would totally hang out with you. I’m pretty lonely too. I’ve always had one really amazing friend in my life and not a lot of others. My amazing friend lives in Seattle now, so yeah…. I literally have no real life friends. How do you meet people when you don’t work? Moms groups? I just can’t relate. We are trying to find a new church so we can meet people but its hard b/c I have issues with church in general right now. Do you want to move to the Detroit area? You can get a house really cheap here and I’m pretty sure it snows a little bit less than Iowa.
I stumbled on your website and read this post. It hit home. Seems like my best friend and I are in different points in our lives, she starting a new relationship a child in middle school. Myself married 21 years 2 adult bio children and 1 two year old adopted child. Then at work I have three co workers of a team of 8 who are freshly married and on their first child. Again different parts of our lives. How do adult woman meet others? I have the same problems my looks tell all and half time I don’t even know it.