Pictures of You*Posted: January 25, 2013
My sister sent me a text last night asking me if a certain day would work for family pictures. I asked my husband, he said he could make it work, I replied to her text saying that it should work.
Then I put myself in timeout on the basement stairs so I could cry without anyone looking at me.
We need to do this for my Mom. AND for all of us.
It is giving me serious flashbacks to when my Aunt was sick. When we went to visit after she was diagnosed we had a family photo session at her home. However, she had already started treatment, she wore a wig that looked nothing like her own hair, and face bloated like a full moon.
We all hate those pictures.
They do not look like her. We were all matchy matchy. Looked like some bizarre family orchestra.
Which is why these pictures will be taken only two days after my Mom has her first chemo treatment. So she looks like herself. So that she has her own hair. So that we can remember.
It breaks my heart.
It could be the last time we do this.
I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they’re real
I’ve been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
All I can feel*
*The Cure, one of my very favorites still to this day.
Please bear with me. This is so raw, it is in every single thought I have right now. At some point soon, I hope to tell you foolish stories where I have humiliated myself, fall down while merely walking, or adorable Meaisms.