>Like an Episode of Maury…Posted: November 23, 2010
The last two days have been kind of crazy. Since my husband’s stroke, he’s been a bit weird, but things are getting better with him. I think more then anything, the stoke just scared the crap out of him. He’s been really realizing the things he had been taking for granted, and overall has been having a pretty good attitude. After we got over that patch of severe grumpy-ness, he’s been mostly fine.
This whole life changing event thing had made him start questioning and wondering things. My mother-in-law passed away about 6 years ago. She left a lot of things unsaid. Sunday morning, before he went to work, my husband started looking online to see if he could find out anything on his father. He wasn’t raised by him. They had only met a handful of times, the first being when my husband was 25 years old. He found an obituary. His father passed away two years ago.
The obituary listed three sons, not my husband. We found two of them on Facebook. He sent messages to both of them telling them who he was and why he was contacting them, and friend requests. The youngest one replied right away. They spoke on the phone. He was so overjoyed. He may not have had a relationship with this man who was his father, but he may have gained 3 brothers in the process.
He posted something on his Facebook page about finding these 3 brothers. He talked to our oldest 3 daughters about it, told them what was going on, etc. Yesterday, his niece, posted another snarky message, saying “There’s more to the story, but I’m not saying ANYTHING.” Just like that, shit starts flying around again. I’m not a violent person, I really don’t try to harbor hate, but this bitch is pushing my buttons now.
He calls his sister. Gets from her that his father who was on his birth certificate, the man who he had thought had rejected him his entire life, is not his father. He was married to their mother, but only for about a year, and they were not together for much of that time.
My husband’s actual biological father was white. This was towards the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement. My husband would have been conceived sometime in 1958. Only my mother in law, and her best friend who is also deceased knew his name. So, no one knows who he is. His mom never told anyone. Maybe she was embarrassed. Maybe she didn’t know what to do. No one will ever know.
This does explain a lot of things. He was often teased as a child for being too light skinned. The rest of his family is considerably darker. He has freckles. Really, all three of his bio daughters, are quite light skinned. Especially compared with their cousins who are also mixed. So some of these things make more sense now.
The thing that is the hardest to understand is why his mom wouldn’t have said anything after all of these years. I’m sure that to a point it was just easier to keep the lies going. His brother’s fathers were also exposed during this whole thing, as well. The other thing is that if his sister knew all along, even if she didn’t want to say anything while their mom was alive, why didn’t she tell them all after she had passed? So she could pull it out of her hat for drama, is my guess.
We have a sort of clue as to where to start to look for his dad, we know where he worked at the time she would have conceived. We actually know someone who worked there soon after that, so we are going to start there. I think now, even if he doesn’t want to be found, my husband may be determined to try to find this missing father.
Hopefully he’s still alive. He’d be at least 70, but probably older.
PS. My little doggie was really cute when he was a puppy, wasn’t he? My husband looks less then thrilled, but I couldn’t find a picture of him….I guess he’s pretty cute too!