>Green Googley Eyed Monster…Posted: March 3, 2011
>Sometimes this little monster sits on my shoulders, and whispers evil little things into my ears.
Makes me think things that aren’t very nice, and makes me ponder about other things that kind of make me sad.
I realize that everyone has this little monster in some way, shape or form. I am usually pretty good about shaking him off, or at least making him dangle off of the back of my shirt so that I don’t notice him so much. There are other times where even if he’s hanging on the back of my shirt, he’s choking me to death.
The jealousy monster can do sneak attacks, you see. You can just be minding your own business, living your life, and then all of the sudden it hits you. You want that. For whatever reason, it may be something that is not all that easy to attain.
I follow many adoption blogs, or bloggers who happen to have adopted. I also have ended up following many infertiles, or trying to conceivers, or waiting to adopters, and many others but, well you know what you all are. Anyway, I don’t know what I am really. I would assume that I’m still fertile, although I’m kind of reaching that “advance maternal age” category, at almost 37. When my husband and I got together, I just assumed I was done having kids. I had Mack, she was 7. He had the big girls at 14,15 and 16, and he had a vasectomy to go along with them.
It all kind of started when my sister and my best friend were both pregnant at our wedding. Due within days of each other. Two six month pregnant attendants. I got to spend plenty of time with my niece and that kind of tapered things off for me for a while. Then our middle daughter got pregnant with our oldest granddaughter. I was 28, 29 when she was born. They lived with us for a while, when the baby was a newborn. Then our oldest daughter was pregnant. We had the babies a lot. I loved having them. At the same time that I loved having them, I was getting choked by that green goblin.
My mother-in-law passed away in December of 2004. Around the same time I transferred offices, and got to know one of my husband’s cousins really well. They had a baby they had adopted through foster care. Baby Trinity is who got us pointed in the foster/adopt process, and my lunches with her mom.
I’m still feeling the pull of having another child. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Mack is gone, and Mea is home by herself. She misses her so much. I also know how hard it was for Mack with no siblings for so long. We just need to decide what to do. Or see if things have been decided for us.
I am unsure as to if my husband’s health scare back in October will effect us being able to adopt again. It very well could. I also don’t know how he really feels about it. He’s going to be 52. If we had/or adopted a baby, he would be 70 when it graduated from high school. That’s if the kid was born right now.
I should probably just be happy with what I have. I have five daughters who love me. I have my Mea at home. I can borrow the small grand kids when I need a baby fix. Maybe one of you can lend me your baby when you are going on vacations or something.
I just need to get this green googley eyed monster off of my back. This I know.