But, you said you would never…

Mea has been having some anxiety lately.

I am pretty sure that this is a five-year old thing. 

She has to know where I am at, at any given time.  If she can’t find me, she freaks out.  Tears, sobbing, screaming, the works.  I seriously can be in the basement, I could have run out to my car, I could be in the garage, in the bathroom, doing laundry, in the living room in plain sight, wherever.  If she can’t find me within 30 seconds, she freaks out.  Screaming, crying, searching everywhere for me.  I’ve caught her outside, one too many times.  We have had a talk about it, and I think that she finally understands, I will not ever leave her.  So she needs to settle down.

I was starting to get worried about it, and then I remembered this little story from when Mack was five.

When Mack was five, we lived in my friend Kathy’s Grandma’s little white house.  The thing with where we lived, is Grandma’s house was across the street one way, Kathy’s business was across the street the other way, and Kathy’s mom lived right behind me.  We were surrounded by our second family.  Kathy’s mom’s backyard butted up to mine.  Now, they were big yards, there is no doubt about that, but we are in no way talking acres or anything, just big yards.  You could see the houses from each house.  Between my house, and Kathy’s mom’s house was the large yard, and in about the middle there was a bocce ball court set up.

It was nice.  Set up kind of like a park.  There was a shelter, with a wood burning stove.  There were bleachers for people to sit in to watch bocce matches, there were lights above the court so that we could play into the wee hours if we chose too.  Her family has held tournaments there, it is a big yard, a large space, and there is plenty of room to host many people.

We would often go down and have cookouts there, Mack was often there running around, catching bugs, showing off, and being a source of entertainment.  Occasionally, there would be times where we would have friends over at night to play bocce, cookout, and drink some beers or crappy wine.  Sometimes, Mack would be down at the court with us.  Sometimes, she would stay at the house, after she was asleep for the night.  Now, if I would put her to bed and head out to the backyard, I would still lock my house.  I had her old baby monitor, and I had it hooked up and cranked up so we could listen for her.  She has always slept like a brick.  I never had any worries that she was going to wake up.

Then one night we were in the backyard, playing bocce, having a couple of beers.  We look up and here is my daughter running down the sidewalk in a pair of Dr. Martens that she had slipped on, a white Barbie nightgown (a wedding style one) flowing behind her, hair waving in the breeze and tears streaming down her round little pink cheeks…

“You said you would never leave me….you promised you would never leave!” 

I felt like the worst mother in the world.  But seriously, we were in our backyard.  I wasn’t blocks away.  I was in our backyard.  We could see the door to my house from where we were, she was locked in, we had the stupid baby monitor.  Kathy and I had taken turns going to check on her.

But, she was five.  Going through my parent is going to leave me somewhere phase.  Even if it was leaving her at home.  In her bed, while I was in the backyard.  Silly girl.  She had a smore, and was all better. 

Maybe I need to get some smores supplies for the next time Mea is running from room to room searching for me?


2 Comments on “But, you said you would never…”

  1. Jen says:

    OH, thank you for posting this! E has been driving me nuts with the freakouts about my leaving her. She is glommed to me all the time. At first it was a little cute. But the sudden freakouts have just been super stressful to us both. I’m so thankful for you right now!!

    • Kelly says:

      Mea has been making me crazy. As it is, I can never shower, get dressed, do laundry, or really anything without her. I just had to peel her off of me to go put gas in my car. It is pouring down rain, and her Father is HERE. I am hoping this phase passes quickly. Maybe next time it will be Daddy’s turn. 🙂

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