Dear D…

Yesterday, October 31st, marked five years since the first day you came to stay with us.  It was a Tuesday, the day after Beggar’s Night, you were six-years-old, almost seven, and in the First Grade.  I got the call for you pretty early in the morning, at work.  They needed a foster family for you, right away.

After calling my husband, I left work in a hurry to meet you and our social worker at the local DHS office.  I got some paperwork, and you.  We had a plastic grocery bag with a couple of ladies sized shirts, and that was all that was in it.  This was what you came home to us with.  The pants you were wearing were too big, your shirt and jacket were too big, and you had no underwear or socks on.

After picking you up, we headed to Walmart.  We picked up some jeans, a few shirts, underwear, socks, pajamas, and a pair of sneakers that actually fit you.  We shopped for a few minutes in the toy section, as I had no toys for boys.  You picked out a couple of matchbox cars, colors and a coloring book and a few other things.  We headed towards the grocery section, and I let you pick out a couple of treats to eat, I wanted you to feel comfortable in our home.  You picked cheese balls, bologna, and apple juice.

We headed back to the house.

I showed you around.  Introduced you to the kitties.  I ran a bath for you.  While you were in the bath I called the school to let them know you were staying with us, and to check into before and after care at the school, and discovered that the school would not allow you back unless we had a refill for your ADHD medication.  I then called our social worker back to try to find out what doctor you had been seen for this medication.  They had no idea.  I called the school, and asked to speak with the school nurse, and she gave me the information off of your last prescription.

I called the doctor’s office, and the doctor that you had seen was not working.  I had to beg and plead for them to have another doctor refill your medicine so that you could go back to school.  You had been absent from school for about nine days at that point.  They did finally agree to refill the prescription.  I got you out of the tub, lotioned up, dressed in some new clothes, and fed you lunch.  We headed out to the doctor’s office to grab the prescription, so we could get it refilled. 

As much as the social worker had known, which wasn’t much at that point, you were very active.  I think this first day, you were in so much shock being thrown together with me, separated from your sisters, and not knowing where your Mom even was.  You were so quiet, and so scared of us.  I don’t think you had been sleeping well at all, that night you were asleep by 7:30.

After running to the doctor, and the pharmacy, we went home watched some TV for a while, and started making dinner.  When Robin came home, you were so excited to meet him.  Not having a Dad in your life, made you long for male attention.  We ate dinner, played some games, and then you went to bed, excited about starting back to school the next day.

There were many ups and downs after that first day.  I learned so much about myself as a Momma.  I gained so much from being your Foster Momma in those six months.  I am much more patient.  I think outside of the box if and when there is a problem with my kids.  I learned to stand up for my kids needs, in the class room at the doctor and so much more. 

Now, I think I was a pretty good Momma to Mack.  I know that I was.  Her needs were so much different from yours.  You needed an advocate.  You needed someone in your corner.  You needed basic life lessons, things that Mack had been learning from birth.  You needed someone to tell you that you were good, smart, and that you could make the right choices when given a complicated issue.  You needed to know that it was okay to make mistakes sometimes, and what to do in order to fix those mistakes.

It’s hard to picture you as an almost twelve-year-old.  I hope so much that you are doing well.  I pray for you everyday.  One of the hardest things for me about foster care is that I may never see you again.  I hope that you remember us.  I hope that you remember many of the things that we taught you, the fun we had as a family.  I hope that you are loved, and cared for. 

I hope most of all, that one day we will see you again.

Love always,

Momma Kelly

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4 Comments on “Dear D…”

  1. Jen says:

    Aww Kelly. This was beautiful. Sniff. I’m glad for D that he was given your home for a while when he needed a safe haven.

  2. well, now i know not to read a blog that so closely relates to how i feel while i’m at work 😉 (tearing up at the front desk is not so attractive) this is something every foster parent needs to read! one of my biggest fears is that there might be a day lil bit doesn’t know who i am.

  3. Libby says:

    What a wonderful letter. I hope one day he gets to read it.

  4. […] November:  Yesterday, October 31st, marked five years since the first day you came to stay with us. […]


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