Just Wouldn’t

My husband and I have decided to let Mea go to her niece’s birthday party tonight.  Although, we have had no apology from our oldest daughter, and although she has continued to spew hate about me on Facebook, ultimately I decided that it is not my granddaughter’s fault that her Mother is acting like this.  I really don’t think that our daughter would be ignorant enough to do or say anything to Mea, as she does actually love her, her problem is with her Dad and I, not her little sister.

I had a really hard conversation with my Mom this morning about all of this crap that I have been going through.  It has brought so many emotions up in me, that I cried for an hour after I dropped Mea off with my parents this morning.

I pretty much glossed over a falling out I had with my cousin around this time last year.  I had already had my fill of Facebook bullshit with my husband’s niece, that I didn’t want to talk about getting ambushed by my own family on Facebook as well.  At that point I had enough of the bullshit from various family members, and didn’t want to talk about it on here anymore either.

At the time of this incident, my Facebook account had gotten spammed.  I had to delete a bunch of stuff, and change my settings on things, change my password, and sign on, etc.  The spam kept posting something as my status along the lines of “See who’s been looking for you on Facebook…”  You know the one.  Anyway, my cousin sent me a message asking me to forward the link to her.  I wrote on her wall that it was spam and that she didn’t want anything to do with it.  Apparently when I was fixing things to get rid of the spam, this wall post fell off of her wall.  She didn’t get the message.

She emailed me, and said that it was obvious that I didn’t want to talk to her, that she had asked for some information from me, and that I was clearly ignoring her, that I was a spoiled brat, and always had been, that all I did was talk about my kids on Facebook, and that I should come up with something more interesting to talk about than my children.

You know, you can bash me, you can probably bash my husband a little bit, but start talking shit about my kids, and I am going to fuck you up.  I was so pissed.  It was a good thing that she was in California and that it wasn’t worth my time to fly out there to hash this out in person.  I was so mad, I honestly don’t know that I have ever been so angry.

I really don’t even know her.  This is the biggest thing.  I really don’t.  She was around some, when I was a kid.  I was under ten years old.  She is eight years older than I am, when she was 18, she moved far away, and we have seen her maybe three times in person since then.  Maybe.  Talked every couple of years on Thanksgiving or Christmas for five or ten minutes and that was all.  Not what you would call a close relationship.

None of us have heard anything from my cousin in over a year.  Since she went on the attack with me, and then my sister, (after she said things about me, she started saying things about me on her wall, my sister replied back to her that she was crazy and then she went on Dawn’s shit list as well.) things had been pretty silent.  Then again, she did, not only un-friend both of us, she blocked us both from Facebook.  My Mom had blocked her feeds from view on Facebook, due to the vulgarity of most of them, and that she was pissed off about how Dawn had treated my sister and I.  So my Mom hadn’t heard anything either.

Until yesterday.  She sent my Mom an email saying that my parents have never been there for her, and that they are a horrible Aunt and Uncle, etc.  Sound familiar?  She also stated that the argument between her and I was a long time coming.  I have no idea where that came from.  We are virtually strangers with some of the same DNA.  I obviously got the less crazy part.

So my Mom and I are talking about this whole thing.  Started with her having me read the crazy cousin email.  She said that of anyone to be “mad” at Dawn, it should be me.  My Grandmother (my Dad’s mom) totally played favorites.  Dawn was without a doubt the favorite grandchild.  My grandmother was mean to me.  It is not something that I have really dwelled on much in my life.  It is what it is.  She was a drunk.  She hated my Mom.  She apparently decided that I was just an extension of my Mom and chose to hate me as well.  I got Dawn’s old things as gifts, I was never given anything new.  I remember once being slapped for not doing anything, and my time was quite limited with her after that.

I had a great Nana, and other adopted grandparents who more than made up for my Dad’s mom being so mean.

My Mom said that if either of us were going to have an issue with the other, it should be me.  Not her.

The more that we talked about it, I started reflecting on all this stuff with my step-daughter.  I have always been extra cautious of what I do with the grandkids.  To be fair.  To spend the same amount of money on gifts, to do for one what I would do for any of them.  To treat them equally.  Much of this comes from the fact that I have been the least liked grandkid.  I cannot put any other child in this position of feeling that they are less than any of the others.  I know how bad it hurts.  I know that seeing my cousin and sister open new things on Christmas, when I was getting hand me downs from my cousin was a painful thing as a kid.  I know that my sister was loved, and spoiled by her, and I wasn’t.

I just wouldn’t ever do it.  I couldn’t ever do it.

I just wouldn’t.


3 Comments on “Just Wouldn’t”

  1. Monika says:

    WTF?? I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with all of this crap, especially from a side of the family that you’re distant with anyway…and then to see it from your step-daughter is just a lot. I wish I could offer some sort of wisdom, but I don’t have any to give. *hugs* Hang in there.

  2. Jen says:

    I wish I had something really helpful to say Kelly. Mostly I don’t, other than to say you aren’t alone in dealing with bullshit. Oh, and I absolutely loved the honesty in your writing with this entry, “You know, you can bash me, you can probably bash my husband a little bit, but start talking shit about my kids, and I am going to fuck you up.” That’s truth right there.

    • Kelly says:

      I started to censor myself a bit when I wrote that line, and then thought…”Hmmm, but what would you really say?” This is what I would really say. I may have a bit of a potty mouth, especially when I am pissed off. 🙂

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