Green Googly Eyed Monster Makes a ComebackPosted: January 31, 2012
So last year, I typed up this post about the nasty Green Googly Eyed Monster that attacks me at the randomest times. I have been able to keep the little jerk in check for the most part since I wrote that post last March.
Then last night he came raging back. Choking me to death. Pulling at my heart-strings. Jealousy is a jerky little Mofo. I hate it. I don’t like that feeling, and I need to push the feelings down that are coming along with it.
Last night, just after I had gotten Mea to bed, we got a text to land line message. (Let me tell you that I think this is the stupidest fucking thing ever. If you are thinking of sending a text to our land line, dial the phone and call. I don’t want to listen to a computer relay your message to me.) Needless to say, I took the first call. It didn’t make much sense, I knew it was my brother-in-law, so when the second call came, I answered and handed the phone to my husband. Apparently I got the second part of the text to land line, and he got the first. You know, in reverse order, so no wonder the message I listened to had made no sense at all.
My BIL’s girlfriend is pregnant, he asked her to marry him.
I hope that it works out for them. It has been four months since he got out. This is about the longest he has lasted in the outside world without being sent on another extended stay vacation. I am worried that it’s still coming. My husband is as well. I’m sure my other BIL is too.
My BIL has another daughter who is a couple of years older than Mack. She has only seen her dad a handful of times in her life. She has three children. My husband and I have never met her.
The monster comes when I think of this little baby. We don’t know much about the girlfriend. She looks like she is a few years older than I am. I don’t know if she has other kids. I hope that she can keep my BIL grounded, and safe, and not on one of his extended vacations, but lets be honest here nothing has been worth it to him up until now. If he doesn’t stay on the straight and narrow, I will have a niece or nephew who doesn’t know his father, just like the other niece who doesn’t know him at all or any of her family here at all either.
So beyond the hoping that things do work out, I am jealous. I want another baby. I just don’t think it’s something that will happen again, and it makes me sad. It makes me jealous, and I hate that feeling. I hope that I can shake the stupid Green Googley Eyed Monster, and quickly.