A Letter to Elmo, and The CountPosted: February 2, 2012
Dearest Elmo, and The Count,
Where I appreciate the things that you have taught my darling daughter over the years, like counting, colors, letters, how to play nice with friends and such, I am writing to you today to let you know that one of your learning products nearly caused a five car pile-up on my way into the office today.
One thing that you have neglected in teaching my daughter is how to pick up her toys, and how to not leave crap in Momma’s car every single day. The backseat of my car looks like Toys R Us and Target threw up back there.
Cleaning up after oneself is just as important of a task as learning one’s ABC’s and 123’s, and could go a long way in lowering auto insurance deductibles.
Let me explain.
On the way into the office this morning, one of your push button, dry erase books randomly started counting to itself. Mea was not in the car. Each time I turned a corner, or came to a stop, I would get assaulted by Elmo giggles, and The Count counting from anywhere from 1 (One Tuba!) to 25 (Twenty-five Bats!). Do you know how long it takes for The Count to count to 25, particularly while counting bats?
A long time.
Did you know that this particular dry erase counting book has no on/off switch? That would also be quite handy.
Maybe the next dry erase book that Elmo and The Count do together should be about keeping Momma’s car tidy? I think that this would be a fabulous idea, and would endorse it 100%, so long as there was an on/off button. I would buy one for all the Momma’s I know.
So, as The Count was counting to 23 this morning (Twenty-three Bottle Caps!), I was frantically trying to reach into the back seat to turn the freaking thing off. I nearly didn’t stop when the car in front of me slammed to a stop, I can only assume that they were also trying to stop your counting book from counting.
Please start your work on the new book immediately,