Another Layer

So things with my middle step-daughter have continued to escalate.

I still haven’t confronted her.  I really have been worried about it turning into one of these huge arguments, and I don’t want that to happen with the big girls again.  It takes time to make things right again, and I just don’t know if I have the energy to do it right now.

The thing is that it would seem that there is more to this ever-changing story.

I have had a few chats with my oldest step-daughter, and I think that she is just about as consumed with this whole thing as I have been.

So I am going to write it out a little here, if anything, just to get my mind off of things.

My middle step-daughter as a different mother than the other two girls.  It’s a weird story as to how that came to be, but needless to say, my husband and his ex-wife, #1 and #3’s mom, were separated for a short period of time, and during that time, #2 was conceived.  The big girls are about a year apart in age from oldest to youngest.  This year they will be 27, 28 and 29.

#2 has our oldest granddaughter, 9, and youngest granddaughter, almost 3.  Our oldest daughter has the next oldest granddaughter, 8, and grandson, 2.

So our middle daughter is just a bit different.  Being raised by a different mother, who herself is a whole other story, just makes her different.  She seems to have a bit different mindset on things, and for the most part it just is what it is.  She seems to value her friends a bit more than her family, she tends to be pretty selfish.  This isn’t just my opinion, this is a pretty well shared opinion all the way around.

She lives fairly close to us, on the same side of town, and I asked  a while back if she could watch Mea while I worked.  She said no.  This is the third time that I have asked her and the third no I have gotten.  I don’t usually ask the big girls to watch Mea, there are times when I need them.  It also would be nice for them to spend some time with their youngest sister.  She loves them.  The other two big girls will call and take Mea just for the sake of spending time with her.  I have to beg to get #2 to babysit.  I am done asking her to spend time with her sister.

So she talked to our oldest daughter about the whole birthday party situation.  She said that she let her daughter pick who was going to be invited to the party.  I can understand this, to a point.  When the kids get older sometimes they want to have just their friends.  I have experienced this even with my own daughter, Mack.  The thing is that even if Mack would have her own “kid party” I would always arrange to have a gathering for our family, (grandparents, aunts and uncles) to give them a time and place to celebrate.

She told our oldest that she didn’t invite us because we didn’t call T to wish T a happy birthday.  Which is not true.  We both said something on Facebook, and we both called the next day, both of us getting our daughter’s voice mail.  The day after her birthday, I babysat for the girls when #2 went to work.  Mea and I sang “Happy Birthday” over cookies, and I treated them to dinner.  My husband was working that night, so he wasn’t home.

She told our oldest that she was mad because we didn’t buy T a gift.  How would she know if we had or not, since we haven’t been invited to any kind of gathering?  (We do have a gift, wrapped and in my closet.  I even have part of our youngest granddaughter’s birthday gift bought and stowed away in my closet, and her birthday isn’t until May.)  I didn’t give T her gift when I was watching them that night, because I wanted her Grandfather to be there when she opened her gift, and I assumed incorrectly that we were invited to her birthday party, and was going to give her gift to her at that time.

So as I have been talking to our oldest about all of this, it just seemed like nothing she had said made any sense.  At all.  How can you be mad about a gift if you haven’t even bothered to call anyone?  How can she be mad about any of this really?

I received a text message from her Tuesday night asking if we could babysit today while she works.  No communication from her in over a month, and all this shit talking about us, and then she asks if we can babysit.  I just replied “no.”  Then there is a Facebook status that states, “Some people have no manners.”  I let it go, I didn’t reply.  Although, my husband doesn’t think it was directed at me, I think he is wrong.  It was posted within minutes of my answer to her text.  The next day, she has a status stating something about not being able to go out on Saturday, so much for that “working” line.

So after our youngest daughter’s announcement the other night, I was talking to our oldest again.  She told me that #2 was recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.

This might explain a lot.

I just don’t know.  I do think that I am at the point where I will communicate what our side of this is.  I m going to send her an email, because I just think that it will be easier.  I also can take my time to spell out what our feelings have been on this.  I have talked to my husband and to our oldest about this, and they both think that this will be a good way to start.  I am going to type it up and let them both read it.  I don’t want to start another huge fight, but feel better since I do have the support of the other girls this time.




3 Comments on “Another Layer”

  1. Where does your husband stand on all of this? I would ask him if he could talk to her.

  2. Jen says:

    I agree with Libby.

  3. I’m extremely inspired together with your writing abilities as smartly as with the layout on your blog.
    Is that this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
    Anyway stay up the nice high quality writing, it is uncommon to look a nice blog like this one today..

I like thoughtful comments!

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