Good Tears

I have celebrated and been celebrated on Mother’s Day for many years, now.  Each year, over the last nineteen have been different, my various Mother roles have changed over the years, my thoughts have changed, my perceptions, and my parenting.

I have learned so much from all my children.  Each and every one of them.  Each of them has taught me something new about myself, each of them has made me a better woman, wife and mother.

When your daughters become mothers, I think it’s natural to hope that they are great mother’s to their children too.  I think that it’s a beautiful, hopeful time in the relationship between yourself and your daughter.  To see them grow into a mother is a beautiful thing.  To see them hold that baby in their arms, and see the love and life to come.

When my oldest step-daughter had her first daughter, eight years ago, I remember driving home from the hospital that night just sobbing.  We hadn’t had the best of relationships, as I have said before, things had been pretty ugly.  Even while she was pregnant things were not great.  She had left me one of her notes early on in her pregnancy, mad at me about something stupid, told me that I would never be a grandma to her kids, and they would never call me anything but my name.  My husband couldn’t understand why I was crying.  I couldn’t really put it into words at the time.  I just hoped more than anything that now that she was a mother she would understand.  That she would finally understand that being a Mom isn’t a popularity contest.  Sometimes it’s downright awful.  Sometimes it hurts, and the rest of the time being a Momma, it is completely full of awesome.

There have been ups and downs.  The oldest granddaughter calls me “Grandma” which sends shivers down my spine.  The baby does call me Nana (he calls his maternal grandmother by her first name only, which fills me with evil joy.) 

Yesterday, was an unbelievably up day.  We had kept the baby boy overnight on Saturday.  He and Mea have a great time together, they play and giggle, and it is so cute.

We got up yesterday morning at 5 am, (Happy Mother’s Day, Nana!) watched some TV, cuddled on the couch, Mea, Tre and I.  When my husband got up, they gave me presents, and started breakfast.  The plan was that after the baby was picked up we would go to the zoo, and head out to do our regular Sunday errands.

I was about to jump in the shower when she showed up to pick up the boy.  My granddaughter came and gave me a big hug and kiss, and handed me a card and a gift.

This is the first time in twelve years that I have been acknowledged on Mother’s Day.

Twelve years.

I opened the card.

Tears

And sobbed.

I got the biggest hug from my oldest daughter, and a kiss.  My eyes are welling up just thinking about it again. 

Where I know that some would have given up on the marriage, the step-kids, the whole thing.  I love my husband.  I felt that someday the big kids, at the very least, would at least have to accept me, they may not ever love me, they may not ever like me, but they would at some point have to accept me. 

I am a stubborn one, but so is she. 

She told me that she loves me.

And I told her I loved her right back.

 

 

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3 Comments on “Good Tears”

  1. Awww….and I got happy tears for you just reading this. ❤ Happy Mothers Day!

  2. Jen says:

    Damn. I got something in my eyes reading that post. I’m happy you got that card.

  3. libbylogic says:

    Total chills. What a nice story. Love it.


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