I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that without my proper amount of required sleep, I can be down right evil.  I am just about there. 

I keep having nightmares about my husband dying.

Like I find his dead body in the house, yard, ball field, wherever dying, then he’s dead.

I have to plan his funeral.

I have horrible fights with the kids, his brothers, sister and other family members about the funeral arrangements.

The funeral lasts eight hours, people would not stop reading dedications.  (This is something that they have done at every black funeral I have attended.  They read all these letters from every church, group and organization that ever had anything to do with the deceased.  They all say basically the same thing, and it takes forever.  The more prominent in the community, the more letters there are to read.  My MIL was a minister, this part of her funeral took two hours.)

In the dream I cannot decide if he should be buried, cremated, frozen, turned into diamonds, or any other number of things after he is dead.

Last night, I dreamt that I had him cremated and that I sprinkled his ashes at every baseball field he had ever umpired a game.  It took me a really long time to sprinkle him behind the home plate at all of these ball parks. 

Then all the big girls freaked out, because they didn’t have anywhere to go to “talk” to their dad.  There wasn’t a headstone.  It was all my fault.

How do I make the dreams go away?

I am thinking wine might work.  Or it will make it worse.


3 Comments on “Nightmares”

  1. Libbylogic says:

    You need to have a talk with him about what he wants. Then, as you go to sleep, think “we’ve had this conversation. It’s done.” And then remind yourself he is alive and you can wake up and see and talk to him.

    That’s what I did.

  2. Jen says:

    I love Libby’s advice. I was going to say Unisom. Hers is better. 🙂

I like thoughtful comments!

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