Brain Bleaching

About a week ago, I found out about something that I wish I could just erase from my brain.  I could use a brain bleaching.  I am hoping that if I write about it, it will help clear it from my head.

Although, I don’t think it will work with this one.

I am a member of a group of people on Facebook that consists of all of my friends from my teenage years.  “Our City Children of the 90’s.” Most are not from my school, these are the “scene” kids that I hung out with from all over.  A bunch of misfits.

Now, I have reconnected with many people from this time in my life because of this group.  I have been able to see that many of them made it to adulthood, and are leading pretty productive lives.  There are several that haven’t, but that is to be expected I suppose.

There have been many pictures posted recently from when we were young, hanging out at the mall, various parties we attended, photo’s from bars.

There was a photo of an ex-boyfriend of mine up with another friend of ours last week.  I usually don’t pay much attention to the comments, look at the photo and move on.  This particular photo had 96 comments on it.  My curiosity got the best of me, and I pulled up the comments.

I wish I hadn’t.

It would seem that Jon has been in prison for the last twelve years.

There was much discussion about him, and why he was there.

He killed a woman, in his apartment, beat her to death and then stabbed her.  Dumped her body in a wooded area.  Told his girlfriend the next day that he spilled wine on the rug.

It had to have been all over the news.  I am sure that it was.  This did happen right around the time that my husband and I moved in together, and it is also possible that I was in Florida at the time.  I honestly can’t remember it at all.  I wasn’t in contact with anyone from this time then, so it’s not overly surprising that no one would have told me about it.

Now I dated this guy from the Spring I was 16, until school started again in August.  He was smart.  He was funny.  He was pretty nice to me, except when he was acting possessive and crazy.  I couldn’t deal with it.  I told him we were better off being friends, that I didn’t want a boyfriend.

He dropped out of school.  Started drinking way too much, and doing way too many other things, that he shouldn’t have been doing.

He wasn’t crazy or anything right after we broke up.  He just kind of left me alone, went on his way.

Until, I told everyone I was pregnant in March, I got pregnant with Mack in October/November.

He was obsessed.  He was totally convinced that the baby was his.  There was no possible chance.  At all, but no matter what I said to him, or anyone else said to him he would just not leave it alone.  If he would see me somewhere, he would just sit and stare at me, and ask over and over why I was lying to him, tell me that we would be happy, that he already loved our baby, could he please touch my belly, etc.  It was just crazy.

It finally got to the point that I had to start avoiding him.  He was just acting too crazy.  I was worried.

Now, there were other instances where Jon was crazy.  I know of a few times, other people we were friends with know of many more, some even commented on the photo that this wasn’t the first woman that Jon had killed.  After I quit hanging out with many of these friends he got worse, and fell further into the drugs and alcohol.  He is the true definition of a sociopath.

After I saw what our other friends had said on this photo, I looked up the case file.  I read the transcript from the trial.  It is too horrible to even tell you about.  I cannot believe that I know/knew someone who was capable of such things, much less dated someone who was.

It has just been weighing on me.  At first I was just surprised that I didn’t recall hearing about it when this all happened, or that I didn’t catch any trial coverage on the news when the case went to trial in January of the following year.  Maybe I blocked it out.  Or I was too far into my own little world and wedding plans to pay that much attention.

Just when I think that I am done thinking about it I think about it again.

Thank God I had the common sense to end that relationship when I did.


3 Comments on “Brain Bleaching”

  1. Oh my goodness! How scary! No wonder you need a brain wipe.

  2. Jen says:

    I frequently wish I could erase one certain period and the mistakes made therein from my memory. I am thankful you had the inner voice to know that he wasn’t the right fit for you and that you were able to avoid worse that just weird obsessiveness.

  3. libbylogic says:

    Yeah, you need an “eternal sunshine” treatment for that… I am sooo glad you are away from him.

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