In the beginning, it was like an obsession. 

I checked the PO Box I had opened to use as a communication starting point with Mea’s family daily. 

After I got the letter in the mail from them and I sent another letter in reply, it was almost worse.  I was there everyday.  I stopped in to ask the clerk when the mail was actually delivered into the boxes, so I knew the “right” time to stop there each day. 

With each visit, and each check of the empty box, I am getting despondent, a bit depressed, and just feel sad that this is the way things are going.  I have not had another email from her sister, either.

Although, I haven’t heard anything, I have continued to send letters. 

Two weeks ago, I sent prints from Mea’s birthday photo shoot that I had picked out especially with each family member in mind.  I have sent a few pieces of her school work, a couple of art projects, and other snapshots.

Writing letters to someone you don’t actually know is hard.  Mea is adorable, smart, and athletic, she says really witty adorable things, I know that I share many of them here, on Facebook and on Twitter, I just don’t know how to convey those stories and phrases into an actual letter. 

I think I am making this harder on myself that it really needs to be.

I also think that I am sad that we are not getting any communication back. 

It makes me worry about a whole plethora of things that make my head hurt when I think about it for too long. 

That said, they must be getting the letters I am sending.  I haven’t had any returned mail.  I am willing to keep the PO Box open indefinitely if it means that I have a safe return address to give to her family.  It is more than worth the money to me, if we get communication back from them.  Or rather, if there is even a chance at getting communication back.

So how frequently do I write?



5 Comments on “Empty”

  1. polwygle says:

    To answer your question, let me tell you about the timeline our adoption agency set for us. Our agency requests that we write every three months in the beginning and then at least yearly around the birthday. Even though Mea is obviously not a newborn, perhaps you could follow that timeline initially. It doesn’t seem to be demanding on our part to write that frequently, and I hope it’s not too overwhelming for the recipient. (Sometimes I wonder if the pain is too raw.)

    We got a response from our first letter, including a few photos. We didn’t hear anything from the second letter. We got a bunch of photos following the third letter. Depending on how our relationship goes, I would be willing to write more frequently than the agency has requested of us, but probably still not more than every three months. At some point I will encourage my daughter to write a letter herself.

    As for content, I get the feeling that our daughter’s biological mother is obsessed with our daughter’s health. I write about her check-ups, and I write about her milestones. I also write about the love, and I try to express how much we are thankful that our daughter is on our life.

    All we get though in return are transcribed updates and photos. We haven’t got an actual letter. What I wouldn’t give for our daughter to have something to hold in her hands when she’s older, something tangible that her mother had written for her.

    I’m sorry for the empty feeling that you have. You have a great network, and I’m sure you’re going to get a lot more excellent advice. I look forward to it as well.

  2. 3catsandababy says:

    We just did our two year letter and photos. Hard and awkward as always. Mostly because I feel like I’m talking to myself. We’ve never gotten a response. I pour my heart out and pick the best pictures to tell them more about him…and then nothing. It’s hard. But I’ll keep writing, sharing, and hoping.

  3. Jen says:

    I have no concept of how to answer you. I wish you were getting responses and I wish this wasn’t hurting you. Because my concern is for you and Mea, I would say that your frequency should be at whatever interval you can stand to put yourself through it without causing you pain that they don’t respond.

  4. Heather says:

    I agree with the previous commenter. Every two – three months is probably enough. It can be overwhelming for both parties otherwise.

  5. libbylogic says:

    Oh, Kelly, I don’t know. I know where you are coming from, but part of me says just let it be. The other part says hound them until the end of the earth so Mea will know you did.

    The biggest thing? Love that girl. Even with the lopsided poof.

I like thoughtful comments!

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