Wish in One HandPosted: January 20, 2013
My Mother-in-law always used to say, “Wish in one hand, and hope in the other, and see which one gets filled first.”
This is not really how this saying goes, it usually is “Spit in the other” but, I think that I understand what she was saying.
You can wish all you want. You can hope all you want. What actually happens, is what will happen. There is nothing that you can do about what the actual result is. So you need to be prepare for whatever that may be.
I am not being negative. I am just ready for the “what actually happens” to actually happen. I work best when there is a plan. When I know what to expect. When I can “Do.” I don’t do well when I am just sitting around hoping and wishing.
Right now, we are still waiting. Pathology results will most likely be in tomorrow. The doctor was in yesterday, and said that the area they are looking at on Mom’s chest wall is about the size of a kiwi or a small orange. It is either an injury or cancer.
Mom didn’t sleep well last night, and wasn’t in the best spirits yesterday. She was pretty down. Part of that could have been her company, in many ways, it did not help.
One of my employees offered to take Mea yesterday afternoon. They went ice skating, and out to lunch. My husband was able to go visit mom with me, which was good. He hadn’t been able to go up to see her yet.
When we arrived there was a couple who are friends of my parents there with her. As soon as we walked in I could tell my Mom was acting funny.
Couldn’t quite figure out what was going on, and because her friends were there she wasn’t really talking to me. The doctor had been in first thing in the morning and told her the kiwi situation. I think it was the first time they had actually said the C word to her. She has known it, I know this beyond a doubt. She has worked in veterinary medicine for 20 plus years. There are many similarities, from how her boss reacted when I told her what was going on, I knew it was her guess as well.
I am not ruling injury out. I think I am just trying to be realistic. I tend to be a think it’s the worst, and hope for the best. I can’t really help it.
I found out later yesterday afternoon, after my husband and I had left that the first thing her friend had asked when she walked in the door was, “So is it the big C?”
My Mom told her that we are still waiting for results. Etc. Her friend went on to say, “Well, we know how to deal with cancer, we have been through it with our sisters, right?”
Both of their sisters are dead. Not exactly what my Mom needed to hear. Not what she needed to be reminded of. Had I known that she had said these things to my Mom, I would have asked them to leave.
She asked my Mom if she wanted her to come up on Monday to stay with her. My Mom told her no. Thank God. I think I would have lost it on her. Please say a prayer that she doesn’t just show up on Monday. I will show my true feelings about her being there. Of this there is no doubt.
Please, think the positive thoughts that my brain can’t think right now for me. Please send all the peace, calm and good mojo vibes our way. Prayers, peace and good thoughts need to be infused into my head right now.
I love all of you for your support and thoughts and love. It has meant so much to me.