Ranty Vent Cancer Edition

I have already vented about this “friend” of my Mom’s once before.  She is on my list.  I don’t believe she will be able to redeem herself to ever get off of my list at this point.

Where I used to really like this woman, and think she was just a bit quirky, now I think she is just completely insensitive and ignorant.

She is the same one who walked into my Mom’s hospital room and asked, “So is it the big C?”  At that point, of course we didn’t officially know, although I think we all had a pretty good idea.

Over the years we have invited her to our kid’s parties, parties for my parents, and other events.  I have always sent her a Christmas card, and pictures of the girls.  She and her husband never had children, so I tended to treat her almost like an honorary, but distant aunt.

I have been pissed at her since the hospital incident.

My Mom tried very hard to get me to understand that it is just how her friend is, that she thinks she is scared, etc.

Like we aren’t all scared.  For crying out loud, my Mom technically is dying, that has to scare the shit out of her.

Yesterday, Mea and I stopped by my Mom’s house to drop something off for her, and she seemed really down.  She had talked to her friend earlier that morning.

My parents are members of a car club.  They have an antique car.  1955 two-seater, red.  My Dad bought it in the early sixties.  Both my sister and I came home from the hospital in the car.  It is their baby.  They have been members of the car club for years.  Almost as long as I have been alive.  They are part of the founding members of the local chapter.  Her friend and her husband are in the club as well.  My parents have both held officer positions over the years, they organize an annual car show, and other events.

This woman, my Mom’s “friend,” told her yesterday, that maybe it would be a good idea if she no longer came to the monthly meetings.  That cancer makes people uncomfortable.  That it would be awkward for everyone if she were there.

Mom told me that she has gotten some weird messages from some of the club members, which makes me think this woman has been running her mouth telling everyone that my Mom is dying.

She is dying.  She has cancer.  She is getting treatment.

She is not DEAD yet.

She still has feelings.

She still needs friends, and for people to treat her as normal as possible.

She didn’t ask for this.

None of us did.

To treat her like this is absolute bullshit.

I told her that if there is one more instance where this friend of hers says anything to her that is not appropriate, that I will be calling her and saying something.  You don’t treat your friends like this.

You sure as hell don’t treat my Momma like this.

Her friend won’t want to deal with me.

 

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6 Comments on “Ranty Vent Cancer Edition”

  1. Charlotte says:

    I’m sorry. The cancer makes people uncomfortable? Well tough shit Sherlock. Deal.
    Its amazing how illness brings out the best and the worst in people!
    If you want to kick arse buddy, I will be first in line to hold your coat.

  2. Wow! Some friend…yes, of course seeing someone we know and care about fighting this kind of disease brings up some uncomfortable feelings, but we don’t send them over into a corner to die alone so that we don’t have to be bothered by it! Our mental/emotional health is so closely tied to our physical health. Staying active and upbeat helps keep our bodies fighting. How in the world is cutting her off from her friends and hobbies suppose to help?! You have more patience than I do to give this “friend” another chance, I’d be calling her now.

    • Kelly says:

      My Mom said she is going to talk to her this week. They are supposed to go to lunch. I told her if it happened again I was calling. Whether she was okay with me doing it or not.

      It’s not healthy for Mom, it makes me mad. She needs to know she is wrong.

  3. Holly says:

    Are you f-ing kidding me?? What kind of a brain dead, low life, insensative BITCH is she?!! Your mom should cut off all communication with her immediately AND continue to go to every single meeting. “The cancer makes people uncomfortable”? Then they are not good friends OR good human beings! Your mom needs a good support system around her right now and if that idiot can’t be there for her then she needs to get lost.

    • Kelly says:

      My Mom says that she doesn’t mean what she says. I think she’s just ignorant. She is a “nice” lady. I seriously think she’s just missing a several crayons from the 64 count box. I told Mom specifically what to say to her. “I want us to be able to continue to be friends, but I cannot dread each time you call, or worry that you are going to say something that hurts me each time that you do. Please don’t mention cancer when talking to me.”

      I think it’s nice, but gets the point across.

      Now, if it get’s to the point where I have to say something? Trouble. Captial T.

  4. Jen says:

    Your mom’s friend is being a jackass. I am sure your Mom doesn’t want any stress from a confrontation at this stage of where she is, but for real, her friend needs to stop. Your Mom doesn’t need her making this a big dramatic thing for herself, when really, this is your Mom’s thing and she needs to be able to live within it for as long as possible. If you need someone to bail you out of jail for beating up a lady with issues, let me know. Not that I actually condone violence, but you get my drift. ((Hugs))


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