There are times when you just need someone to vent to.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I just needed someone to listen to me, and for them to try to understand where I was coming from.

I called my sister, and it was a huge mistake.

Later, I was able to text with a great friend, and I felt much better about the entire situation when we were done.

I am really irritated with my sister after our conversation yesterday.

Mack called me when she got off work yesterday.  Her boyfriend was accepted into the graduate program from the final school he was waiting to hear from.  It is a great opportunity for him.  Full tuition, plus a stipend each semester.  I am happy for him, and for Mack.  The school is eleven hours away by car.  It is not the closest school he applied to, but it is also not the furthest away.

He has even been concerned with them leaving knowing that Mom is sick.  He told Mack that he felt guilty for being excited about it, knowing that they would be leaving the state with her sick.  He said that he would understand if she stayed here.  He also said that he would like for Mea to come stay with them for a week or two during the summers.  The fact that he said and thought these things, makes me know what a great guy my daughter is with.

I have obviously known this was coming.  A year and a half ago, I even wrote about the possibility.  It is not a surprise.  I just recently talked about how the timing couldn’t be worse, and that is where my fretting comes from.

I am supportive of my daughter (and her boyfriend).  I wouldn’t do or say anything to hold her (them) back.  I just worry, fret, and over-think things sometimes. It is how my thought process works.  Of all the people who know me, my sister should know this better than anyone.

I know that this is going to be hard on my Mom.  She and Mack are close.  I don’t want them to miss any time together, but it is what it is.  I also know that my Mom wouldn’t want to hold them back either.

I needed to talk it out.  My husband was on a conference call after I talked to Mack, so I called my sister.

It was a mistake.

Her response to everything I said was curt.  When I said that my biggest concern was Mack being able to spend time with my Mom before she couldn’t due to the time frame we have been given, she snapped at me.

She said that I didn’t know what the time frame for Mom’s life was, that miracles happen every day, that I should quit being so negative and start believing in miracles.

Now, I know that sometimes miracles happen.  However, I am not putting all of my eggs in the miracle basket.  I think it is ignorant.  Preparing yourself for what will most likely happen is not being pessimistic, it is being realistic.

Mom is responding well to the chemo, she is handling the treatment well.  However, she still has the prognosis of being a terminal cancer patient.  She may live longer than the 6-24 months that they have said she would live.  She also may not.

From everything that I have read, there is a 10% chance that she can live for up to five years with this diagnosis.  My guess is that her doctors have given us a pretty close guess as to how much time is left.

My sister accused me of trying to hold Mack back.  I didn’t say anything close to this, she just went on the attack with everything that I had to say.  Part of this stems from her own past and issues.  She had wanted to go to an art school after high school, and she says that my Mom talked her out of it.  She says that Mom convinced her to go to the local community college instead.  This may be the case, but if she really wanted to go, she should have stood her ground and applied to the school.  She didn’t.  She and my brother-in-law were together by then, and he still had a year of high school left.  I seriously doubt she would have gone even if she would have applied.

I feel like she tends to attack my parenting frequently.  I don’t know where she is coming from doing this either.

I just needed to talk about it.  I needed someone to just listen to me vent a little bit.

It will all work out, the way that it works out.

I don’t really even know what to do or say to her.  It might be best for me just to not say anything at all to her for a while.  I am so annoyed with her right now, I don’t even think that I can talk to her without being noticeably pissed off.  Lately, she has just been so stuck up in her own little world, it’s ridiculous.  I probably should have known better than to call her, it seems like we have been at odds on a lot of things lately.

I know that I am not going to sit around being delusional about what the future holds for all of us.

I will hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.  I think it’s the only logical way to deal with this whole thing.


3 Comments on “Realistic”

  1. Holly says:

    There are reasons I never call Mandy when I need to vent. Annnnd you pretty much just listed all of them. Next time call me.

  2. Ugh, I hate when conversations go like that. It makes the situation seem worse, instead of better. I learned that lesson about my sister too, but it took me a few times.

  3. Jen says:

    I’m glad it helped to text. 🙂

I like thoughtful comments!

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