Dueling Mothers

I hope that all of my Momma friends had wonderful Mother’s Days, full of all the things that you like to do.

We had a really nice day.

Mea had a friend sleepover, and we had our youngest grandson overnight as well. They were both picked up by 9:30, and we headed over to my sister’s house for brunch shortly after.

I had printed the letter on nice paper and left it in my parent’s car as we were walking into my sister’s.  I didn’t want her to turn into a puddle in front of everyone, and I know I would have been bawling too.  My sister and I pooled together and bought my Mom a rosebush, and a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant my parents go to when they go out-of-town.  Their 41st anniversary was on Monday, and they are headed out-of-town for a few days this afternoon after my Mom’s chemo treatment.  (This is the weekly chemo, not the big one.  Less side effects on this small treatment.)

They are excited to get away for a few days.

Mack, Mea and I spent a good portion of the afternoon together, playing, and shopping.  It was a really nice day.

I had really nice messages from the big girls as well.

The past few days there has been some major drama going on with my youngest step-daughter and the baby’s father.  To break it down simply, he borrowed her car, and messed it up.  It is going to be costly to fix, and he is not working.  I wish that these girls would learn from each other when dealing with their baby daddy drama, but I suppose it is something that they each have to learn for themselves.

Yesterday, the baby had a doctor’s appointment for his six month check-up.  Little chunky man is doing well, despite the fact that he has a major cold going on.

While I was waiting for Mea at gymnastics last night, I sent her a text message asking how is appointment went, and if there was any news on what is going on with her car.

Her Mom has been working on getting the car fixed with some mechanic she and her boyfriend usually use.  At some point she was talking to E, and her phone cut out so she couldn’t hear her mother, and her mom got pissed off thinking she wasn’t listening and hung up on her, then wouldn’t take her phone calls.

This makes me completely crazy.

These are our adult children.  They are not teenagers, they are not children.  Now sometimes they may act like it, but still.  Then again, we all know how mature their mother can act.

We texted back and forth for the majority of the hour during Mea’s gymnastics class.  She talked to me a bit about the drama going on with her baby’s dad, the issue with his mother (another grandma) doing daycare, and him holding daycare over her head if they get into arguments.

I talked her through it a bit, gave her my opinion, and offered to take the baby anytime she needed me to while I am not working.  Due to this latest development with the car and the baby’s dad, daycare was going to be an issue for today.  We agreed that I would watch him while she worked today, she had missed two days this week because of the car, and the baby not feeling well, in addition to the fact that he told her that she couldn’t bring the baby for daycare.

While Mea and I were in route back home, and stopping for dinner, E posted this on Facebook…

I’m so blessed to have not only one wonderful mom but two… Love you Kelly, thank you so much for being there for me!!

When I get these messages from the big girls, I cannot begin to tell you how happy it makes me.  It was a long time coming.  It took a lot of love, patience, and time.

This morning she sent me a text stating that her mom called in sick to work so that she could watch the baby, but that she may have me watch him tomorrow.

It is fine.

But at the same time, it is ignorant.  I know that her mom took a paid day off from her job because it was going to be me that was watching him.

I sent her a text back saying that I would be happy to watch him if she needed me to.

My husband called a bit ago to see how the baby was doing.  When I told him that I didn’t have him, and what I speculated the reason to be with his ex-wife, he reminded me that these reactions to things are part of the reason that she is an ex-wife.

I get it.

I just don’t really understand it.  My husband isn’t jealous of her boyfriend of twenty years.  He understands that he has been a big part of their lives.  She is their mom.  I know this.  They are also grown-ups, and should be able to have adult relationships with anyone they want to have a relationship.

Sometimes it feels like she is constantly challenging me to some sort of weird better mother duel.

I am ever so thankful that she is not on Facebook.  I have a feeling that the messages that I get from the big girls would either not happen, or the meaning and thought behind the messages would get ruined by this woman.

In the meantime, I will continue my internal dialog to myself, saying, “I am the more mature one, I will not do or say anything to ruin the relationship I have worked so hard for with these girls.”

I think I will silently hate her in my head for the rest of my life.



2 Comments on “Dueling Mothers”

  1. Oh, man, you are making me think about how things will be in the future. My DH’s ex is EXACTLY like this. Seriously.

    I think the silent hate is important, but yes, you can’t let the girls know about that. Oh, what a ninny head. My new curse word is “ass-hat” Maybe if you think that everytime she does something you’ll feel somewhat better.

    Glad to hear that you had an otherwise nice Mother’s Day!

  2. Jen says:

    I’m glad you had a decent Mother’s Day. I think having that silent conversation with yourself is perfectly normal when this is what you cope with.

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