Daddy IssuesPosted: June 15, 2013
In my last post I mentioned some issues with my middle step-daughter, C. Since I wrote it, there have been more issues, and I need to write it out.
So here we go…
First, let me give you the back story. I haven’t talked about this before, because I didn’t think it was relevant, but I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed relevant.
My husband was married to the evil one. They had our oldest step-daughter E1. When E1 was five months old, the separated for six months or so. During that six month time frame, C was conceived. Her mother is not the evil one.
The evil one, and my husband reconciled, she got pregnant with E2. By the time E2 was three years old they were divorced.
Needless to say, when people discover that my middle step-daughter has a different mom, it is a weird story.
C’s mom did not tell my husband about C, until she was three or four years old. She had/has some issues, but she is not a bitch. I really have no idea why she waited to tell him, but she did.
I think that C has some unresolved daddy issues. I have talked to E1 and E2 about this, and they both agree. So in addition to the jealousy issues we already know about, I think there is some other stuff brewing around in that head of hers.
I had gotten a text from C on Memorial Day basically telling me that her feelings are hurt that we hadn’t watched the girls in a while (she has oldest and youngest granddaughters, 3 and 10) and that she felt that we had E1 and E2’s kids more often than hers. It may be the case, I don’t really know. It’s not like we have a set schedule for having the grandkids. Sometimes the girls ask us to watch them, sometimes we ask for them. I don’t keep score.
C tends to wait until the last-minute to ask us to babysit. Usually an hour or less before she needs someone to sit. At the longest it is a day or two notice. If she has to work, or if she has school, we usually say yes even if we had other plans or whatnot. She has complained in the past because we “only watch the girls if she is working.” We can’t win.
Her kids are not very nice to Mea. They are better if we have one at a time, but if we have them together, they can actually gang up on her, and can be mean. In her own house. With her toys. It’s not really fair. I have talked to the kids about it several times, tried to talk to her but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
It turns out that last week, she had decided on Friday that she and her girls were not coming to Mea’s birthday party. So basically, the excuse that she gave me on Saturday morning, the one that I thought was pretty weak anyway, was a total lie.
She had said that she would stop by sometime this week and bring Mea a present, and to say Happy Birthday. (Please note: I do not care about a present. I don’t believe that Mea cares about a present. She wants to see her sisters and her nieces and nephews at things like this.) We did not hear from or see her until last night.
Around five o’clock, she posted something on Facebook about how she should have gotten a sitter for the night because her kids were driving her nuts. I knew that the text was coming, as soon as I saw the FB post.
Sure enough, maybe five minutes later my phone went off.
My husband was off work yesterday. Originally, he was going to take Mea to the pool, but we had thunderstorms on and off all day. In the morning, E1 called and asked if we could watch her youngest. He had thrown up at daycare the day before, and although he was fine, he couldn’t go back to daycare. So since we knew the pool was out, we thought it would be fun for Mea and help E1 not miss another day of work. It was his dad’s weekend to have him, so his dad picked him up last night around 6.
We had already planned to have the baby grandson overnight last night. I had asked E2 if we could have him on Monday. We haven’t had him overnight for three weeks.
The first text from C said that she was having a bad day, and at her breaking point with the kids.
I didn’t answer.
The second text said,”I’m willing to bargain at this point…I would keep Mea for you guys any night you wanted. Tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, I’m off all those days.”
Mea is not some thing to be bargained with. She is a person. She is her sister. She should sometimes just want to spend time with her. This is not how it works at all.
Honestly, that last text just sort of sent me over the edge. It probably shouldn’t have, but it did.
I had sent E2 a picture of the baby doing something silly, and she sent me a text replying that C was on the war path. She had called E2, to see if we had E1’s kids in addition to the baby.
There is no possible way that we can have all five grandkids here at one time. Five grandkids, plus Mea is six children under the age of ten. Our house is not big enough. We quite honestly do not have the space for them all to be here at one time for an overnight. We also cannot have grandkids here every single night of every single weekend. It’s not fair to Mea or to us for that matter.
She went on to vent to E2 about how shitty we are, how we aren’t fair to her and her girls, and so on.
I wanted to respond to her. I still want to. My husband doesn’t want anything to do with it. We also found out yesterday that C’s youngest daughter had a recital this week. We didn’t even know that she was in dance.
I know that I have attempted to be the best step-mom I can be to her. She only calls when she wants something or needs someone to watch her kids. We don’t have a relationship past that. These are the only times that she calls.
The other girls will call or text me just to talk. We have a relationship. It goes both ways.
I just don’t know what to do.